An Octopus-led Kenya will be Suicidal

The 2010 World Cup has dishearteningly degenerated to an unbelievable low level-Octopus world.
It’s now not the much hyped event finding its ways in a black country, but a cephalopod’s predictions in a far European country- I guess Germans are happier now focus has shifted to an invertebrate in their country from football in South Africa, sorry Africa.
Football is a game of opportunities and when a team fails to capitalise on them they will live to regret the missed chances, especially if they are punished by swift and opportunistic opponents.
There is no relationship whatsoever between Opportunities and Octopuses unless you are opportunistic enough to get a plate of it in a country, say Kenya, where feasting on them is next to a taboo, or if a keen grammarian their first ‘O’ characters.
So those people who are trying as much as possible to create non-existent telepathy between football and octopuses have missed a football-size point.
That aside. Imagine a Kenya being driven by octopuses. Hope you have taken a moment to figure out how our beloved country depending on an octopus will be like.
At the Attorney General office, a couple will be asked first to cast their lots with an octopus kept at the far corner before taking their vows. A tense man and a wife to-be looking from short distance lowers two ‘plates of food’, differently emblazoned with something like ‘I do’ and ‘I don’t’. Imagine what would happen if the invertebrate picks ‘I don’t’! Only a man with a heart of stone will not faint, otherwise most will lose consciousness as the octopus rests joyously on the ‘I don’t’ plate.
What of an eager and hard-line supporter of Raila Odinga? He goes with all glamour to an octopus at say Orange House to seek prediction before he casts his vote. With all its intelligence the hydro-animal likes a Fail over True, a result obviously not welcomed by the guy. Do you think the guy would still think of seeing another sunset without a Raila presidency especially if opinion polls say the opposite to the octopus?
Furthermore, will elections be essential, and if yes, who will be ready to let their vote ‘go to waste’ if they oppose the octopus.
How many job seekers will still remain alive after seeking assistance from the octopus several times and all they get from the sea-animal is ‘No’. Who will? I guess none and the government will surely be overworked by the number of suicides which will come its way.
In a maternity hospital an expectant mum is subjected to an octopus fate. And the animal excited with disappointing all, even pregnant Kenyans, decides to land on a Still baby other than on Alive glass box. Besides a gradual rise of abortion in the country will be huge numbers of unconscious pregnant women lying next to the octopus.
It’s good none of our Kenyan leaders has thought of engaging Octopuses in day to day activities, otherwise Kenya would be rating next to Rwanda in its citizen-death list, though the death will be put in different list titles: Genocide and Octopus-related respectively.

YS: it’s foolishness of the rankest order to let a tiny-eight legged invertebrate chart a human being’s way of living. Though scientists say an octopus is one of the most intelligent invertebrates, it’s still not in order to allow such animals, without great abilities as a humans, decide the way we think.
YS2: Spain has played good and flowing football in South Africa and therefore deserves to play in the finals, better still to make history by being the first country to lift the Trophy on the first time of asking. I support Spain, and this is not in any way related to the Octopus prediction. I have been behind this team since 11th June.

Please, Keep your Mouths Shut

It is now in public domain. And all but inanimate inhabitants in Kenya know that Members of Parliament have yet again demanded for a monthly pay increase. It is a known fact that they gave the Finance minister Uhuru Kenyatta a seven-day ultimatum to Bill all their more money demands or else...
In the wake of the unquestionably gruesome demands by the already heftily paid members are some croaking voices who are desperately distancing themselves from the unanimous passage of the proposals.
The Mps now trying to back-bite their colleagues have no locus standi in doing so. If they had issues with the proposals they should have present themselves in parliament last week and objectively ridicule the Akiwumi pay report.
When the regular absentee honourables speak with glee and pride about misdemeanours their ‘parlimates’ committed when they were away, they not only expose their utter disunity in the august House but seek also to hoodwink Kenyans about their supposed sacredness.
The proposed constitution should not be tainted by these not-so-honourable members. The Mps’ enormous pay perks should not be associated in any way with the ongoing referendum campaigns. Firstly, the two, now monstrous situations facing Kenyans, do not relate whatsoever apart from a considerably distant section in the proposed constitution indicating that an ‘independent’ Salaries and Remuneration Commission tasked to, according to article 230 (3) (a), set and regularly review the remuneration and benefits of all State Officers.
The clause is human enough from what most legislators are heavily exploiting now-legally it is possible for them to corner the president into agreeing their salary increases but if the draft constitution is adopted, the legislators who the constitution expects to be among the State employees, would no longer have the prerogative to determine their monthly pay checks.

Secondly, this special-money-hungry group of employees who have escaped the taxman for quite a long time and to further ascertain their arrogance, are non-repentant of their actions, have no moral ground discussing what they have already agreed on and passed in parliament.

The Finance minister played good music to Kenyans when he categorically refused to heed to the demands. And President Kibaki will even excite Kenyans more if he refused to assent to the exploitative bill.
Media reports that legislators are planning to arm-twist the Treasury boss so he could surrender their money are unfortunate enough. If true, then such desperate tricks by respected people in society are archaic and idiotic enough. They are representative of a five-year-old kid tantrums; who when refused to have a bite of Mandazi because of his bulging stomach would resort to unorthodox behaviour like refusing to sleep so that his parents change their mind.

YS: It’s dumbfounding to hear Ikolomani Mp Dr Bonny Khalwale asking Finance minister to be answerable to parliament as far as the salary increase is concerned. What other answers does he want apart from what Uhuru said? If he is not frightening the minister into the House of Intimidation so he could threaten him with what he is only famed for- Censure motions, then another is much welcome.
YS2: If Mps succeed in their quest to have Sh1 million plus-salary every month then it will mean one member’s package is enough to pay 67 primary school teachers each receiving sh15, 000 per month. How disgraceful is this?