Lumumba’s Men Screwing Up Anti-Corruption Campaigns

Hail the man who knows not grammatical philandering, talks not with a loose tongue, sticks to the Queen’s pronunciation pattern with gusto just like his passion for Karate. Patrick Lumumba is the man.

He heads the rejuvenated Kenya Anti-Corruption Commission and putting into positive consideration what the commission has been doing of late, then PLO as he’s popularly known, deserves a swift hat off salute.

However before the hat leaves the head, his lieutenants are proving to be a big letdown in this mission. They are conducting themselves in a manner likely to portend a serious stumbling block towards success of the campaigns.  They are being overzealous and naive in the handling of this noble course.

Corruption is a silent vile which attacks both during the day and ups the tempo when the sun sets. It camouflages into the system without necessarily raising eye brows but when it eats into it, the system rots down amazingly. It has eaten into many government institutions and fell some within the shortest period.

Such a crime, engraved deep in our society, ingrained knowingly or unknowingly in every soul, enjoyed by the poor with the same voracity as a local tycoon cannot be fought the way Lumumba’s men seem to do. Any war has, is and will never be beamed live on television. Doing that not only give ‘enemies’ a chance to arm themselves but better still escape when KACC wrath is placed upon them.

The public likes to see such, the media is terribly excited to do such exclusives but the courts might not be amused at all by such.

The media are often known to exaggerate. Or play blackmail on behalf of someone else. And when such ego-slashing and respect-less endeavours arise they might ferociously get involved with a hidden intention to deliver a judgment favourable to their ‘guiders’ or ‘senders’.

So when Lumumba invites the press to pluck out suspected corrupt individuals from their dungeons, he not only pass a guilty verdict on the individuals but more so tells the public that the arrested Kenyans deserve such demeaning treatment.

The media is a platform for everyone to play. It’s not like the courts where there are several gates one had to pass through before a verdict is given. While the media is basically about (it’s not necessarily conventional) ‘copying’ and ‘pasting’ events as they happened-often include soft final judgment on them- the courts on the other hand prefer detailed examination of events, evidences and all other factors which might play into it directly or indirectly. Such analytical differences are what result in libel or slander suits in courts which most complainants win at miserable high rates for the media.

That aside and when such corruption cases, already blown out of proportion by the media, are presented in court, a defendant can refuse to take a plea claiming that the expected judgment  could be affected in one way or another by what’s already propagated by the press.

That’s how bad it could be and corrupt individuals could easily get their freedom without having to face the charges.  

Bribery, an understudy of corruption is heavily seated within our culture and practised without bother. It’s common too.

To fight this vile, however wafer-thin it is, present in the very last kiosk in the village and snakes its way to the highest office, demands insurmountable assertiveness, unparallel investigations and for goodness sake less of the media cameras. It would help, I believe.

Just by the way...

*Some of my readers (I appreciate you all) appeared to have misunderstood my previous blog, “Raila Lost Kalenjin Votes Looong Time Ago”, as expressions of tribal sentiments meant to dissociate rather than bring together Kenyans. I had no intention of doing this and I apologise if it appeared so. The blog was a factual capture of what’s happening down there, in the minutest of the villages to the most informed of the Kalenjins.

*“The minister does not procure, the minster does not sign cheques, the minister does not chair committees, the minister does not deal with budgets,” Foreign Affairs minister Moses Wetangula said in parliament in connection with the scandal in his ministry. Excuse us minister what does he do then? Does he only slouch in his desk, swallow imondo and ingokho when things are going astray like you seem to suggest? Good you realised you were taking us for a serious ride.

On a serious note:

For the past nine months I met and have lived with new people who have been exciting, wonderful, super-lively, handsome, gorgeous, beautiful, and amazing. It will be an unforgivable sin not to mention their names: Peter, Alawi, Saudah, Angira, Saumu, Qorro, Imaka, Mutambo, Felista, Claud, Abimanyi, Flavia, Lilian, Florence N, Dann, Wesonga N, Rogers, and Sylvester Ernest. Guys, I have loved staying with you. Guys, may you enjoy the journalism you have been introduced to.

Who Cares if You Appoint a ‘Kin’ to a Top Position?

Yes, that’s the question and most Kenyans would probably answer in the negative, as in: we don’t?

Even if there’s a blatant mess of procedures still none cares.

When they do this, they are only saying of a forced ‘satisfaction’ which expresses dissatisfaction on the outer. Paradoxical. But it’s very true. And when government appointments are haphazardly done nobody cares apart from those oozing tribal or personal sentiments in the name of fighting some injustice on nobody in particular but their cronies.

Tribalism is/will/ forever be part and parcel of Kenya and its inhabitants. It’s an ingrained stain that will take unity greater than the Tower of Babel’s to expunge it and if it’s successful it will be only for a while before it comes back accompanied by seven more devils.

Tribal appointments are not new in Kenya. In fact all government employees would seldom pass tribal tests.  It is professional unprofessionalism at its peak. The latest known to all but none.

Talking of Henry Kosgey’s appointment and one Joseph Mwaura, the CEO is not doing any good to his company, KPMG, by calling many press conferences to cry out foul play over the appointment of Kenya Bureau and Statistics boss. By the way, Mwaura’s arguments are not valid because his company was locked out of the process before it finalised recruitment. So the more he muddle in this politically-motivated affair he not only expresses inert vested interests but also a bruised ego from failing to fulfil the interests.

Some may argue that Kosgey’s pick of Joseph Koskey (this G and K difference in the gentlemen’s names is nowhere in Kalenjin so stop emphasising it so much) cannot pass through a three-inch-holed filter let alone the normal one.  Right and agreed. But even if it doesn’t’ the appointment will remain with many other types of chaff: Amos Kimunya’s 'brotherly' appointments of Kenya Ports Authority director (Gichiri Ndua) and confirmation of Kenya Airports Authority chief executive (Stephen Gichuki) will be winking at Kosgey’s tribal appointee.

Anyang’ Nyongo’s ethnic appointee (Dr. Olang'o Onudi) to head Kenya Medical Training College was unsuccessfully given a hard knock by parliament but he managed to force him in. His too would hardly pass the filter. And many others. Remember Hellen Sambili’s unhidden tribal preferences for the post of Sports Stadia Management Board.

Nothing different at Raila Odinga’s office too. Not when his family members, family-in-laws, cousins both near and distant, Bondians and its neighbours from all constituencies occupy most slots directly and indirectly related to his office.

Then to President Kibaki’s security appointments and sincerely speaking, with dishonesty the middle name of 99.999% of Kenyans, Kibaki is very right to appoint a kin (s) (read a native of  Central province, preferably a GEMA diehard) to handle security matters . Security is not mitumba business, neither is it equal to fish-mongering nor njugu-selling. Utmost care is required here. Otherwise appointing someone whose professionalism could be adulterated the same day of appointment is equal to committing oneself to a hangman noose.

Imagine appointing a tribal ‘brother’ to a rival you trounced in the last presidential election as your Chief of General Staff. You will probably be arrested and jailed for life and your rival made the president that night. You will not last a day at State House. So security appointments should never be equalled with political appointments at all. It will be buffoonery of the rankest order if it’s happens. They should be done above board. So those criticising Kibaki’s move to get Kenyans from his tribe to head all security departments have missed a football size point.

Just by the way...

*I don’t in anyway support appointments influenced (or seemingly) by tribal thoughts. It’s bitter discrimination to deny a qualified candidate a job just because s/he doesn’t come from your tribe. And by the way, why is Luis Moreno-Ocampo not paying attention to such tribal appointments? I guess they will make juicy cases at the ICC than even looking for LRA’s Joseph Kony who’s nowhere. They amount to crimes against humanity. Over to you Mr Moreno-Ocampo.

Rattling Uganda before a Real Whipping Tomorrow

It’s a battle of East African supremacy. It’s a war involving two football titans in the region. Thank God it’s not a fight over a minute island (Migingo (for Kenyans) or loosely-tongued Mijinjo (Michincho) for Museveni’s lieutenants and worshippers), half submerged in the waters of Lake Victoria. Otherwise had it been the latter, Raphael Wanjala would have gotten a swift tender to supply Kibera hooligans with Rungus and Somali swords before 4pm tomorrow.

Speaking of hooliganism and Ugandan president knows not how to safely play this provocative negative virtue within humanity. Remember when dispute over michincho came up and the Uganda’s life-president went on a mouthful, diarrheal wordy rampage on ‘Jaluos’ (Kenyan media got it wrong, it should have been Chalous). You know, His Excellency whose middle name Kaguta, could put an ignorant Ugandan in custody if he uses it more than the other two (Yoweri Museveni), put out pre-meditated tirades directed on jilted Lou Kenyans who were crying over fishy Ugandans taking over Migingo.

The fight was primarily about fish but Mr Museveni thought otherwise and decided to meddle in it but finally gave in but not without controversy. He ran away with water and left fish just the way he did in Northern Uganda where he has instilled pseudo-peace but failed to capture LRA’s Joseph Kony.

Uganda, the country which would have made a perfect upright rectangle had its borders with Kenya (to the East) and Democratic Republic of Congo (to the west) been straight and Lake Victoria wholly belonged to Tanzania, is a fairly beautiful country with its firsts. Language is spoken in eloquence and demeanour which seemingly says of an enforced conduit by the Queen herself to have it accurately spoken. However, pronunciation of some words has dented and brought shameful paleness to this queen’s endeavour. First, Ugandans don’t know how to correctly pronounce words with G, C, K, and the likes, sounds. Instead of pronouncing these sounds like a Cambridge University graduate they replace them with CH. For example, gearing, comes out as chearing, a non-existent English word, tarchet for target, dochument for document, Chigali for Kigali. My good name will sound terrible; Kiplanchat instead of Kiplang’at. Huh!

Interesting. However, they are very choosy when it comes to distortion of words’ sounds. They have never mispronounced Uganda, the country’s name, as Uchanda, or Chaguta for Kaguta (the President’s middle name), neither Luchanda for Luganda (their favourite native language). Funny but they do respect rebels too. Otherwise Kony’s name would have locally been Chony.

I guess they would not dare pronounce choals for goals now they  badly need them  when Uganda national football team face Harambee Stars tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow and Stars fans ought to go to Nyayo in large numbers so they can shout go! go! go!  well and louder otherwise cho! cho! cho! from the opponent’s end might outdo them.

You got to love these guys who once lived under a monarchic regime: Buganda Kingdom, before they saw the light. A worthy exposure indeed but they now have to contain a marauding president who wants to be head of the state till death parts him with the seat. Happily, the light has finally brought something tangible from the ongoing Commonwealth Games. One Moses Kipsiro eclipsed favourite Kenyans to a chold (Gold) in the 5, 000 metres race. The often mistaken naturalised Kenyan is an instant Hero in Champala (Kampala). Cho! Cho! Cho! Chipsiro!

Just by the way...

*To put records straight, I’m not in any way expressing xenophobic ideas but interesting facts, so please understand it as so. I love Ugandans and if circumstances permit I would not mind handing in betrothal for a Uchandan chirl (girl in Kenya).

*Who will go home with its tail hiding between the hind legs? I guess it’s gonna be...guess?