This Is Why You Were Called Thieves by the President, Himself

You checked in your workplace at 8.03am, yet the reporting time is at 8.00am. You stole your employer's time.

In the evening you chucked office at 4.57pm yet leaving time is 5.00pm.
Ain't you stealing your employer's time again?

You went to your local restaurant and ordered for ugali and some stew. After clearing the slice of ugali you demanded ’sosa’ saying you won't pay unless you get it. Stealing from restaurant owners? Yes because you paid less for more. 

You promised to meet your best friend for an after-work chat at some Nairobi's downtown hotel at exactly 6.05pm on a Thursday but you arrived 10 minutes late. If you did not steal their precious time then you don't know what theft is.

That careless conductor forgot to collect your fare but you giggled and tapped away the sign of the cross instead of reminding him that he hadn't picked his money. You are not in the NYS scandal list but you could surely be heading there. 

Instead of Mama Mboga giving you a change of Sh190 after buying Sh10-worth of sukuma she gives you Sh490. You majestically walk away thanking the heavens for 'mining' Sh300 out of her pocket. Certainly, the Heavens are seeing you and you will pay for theft when the catalogue of sins are read to you when you check out of this world.

You were asked by your employer to go for an outfield trip but you returned with exaggerated bills with the sole intention of robbing your employer. Those fake taxi, hotel receipts with forged signatures? Isn't that robbery without violence?

On Facebook and Twitter you were quite vibrant and joyous about voting for Peter Kenneth and Martha Karua in the last elections. They spent hours responding to your thumps-up messages but come voting day who did you vote for? Come on that is thievery of the highest order. You deserve some jail term for stealing someone’s political time. 

Now you know why the President called you thieves.

The Truest Affidavit in Kenya

1. That Kenya is suffering from an incurable disease called 'corruption'.

2. That this disease will kill (or has it killed?) this country and bury it in the deepest end of the Dead Sea.

3. That the resurrection of this country during the biblical rapture is not assured.

4. That the disease seems to be genetically transmitted and even some 30-year-olds by the name of Gethis have already contracted it.

5. That the disease is not gender sensitive.

6. That only just about 40 questionable billionaires run this country yet it boasts of 40 million beggars.

7. That the beggars are not necessarily poor but only begging that the country's riches should not be squandered anymore by the super-rich 40.

8. That there was Goldenberg. Anglo Leasing. Maize Scandal. Kazi Kwa Vijana scam. And now NYS scandal and Sh200 million Supreme Court Bribery. 

9. That all those scandals involved key government officials who looted the hell out of us. 

10. That they always claim political witch-hunt when cornered even if evidence is as clear as daylight.

Further,

11. That ordinary Kenyans should be told what affidavits are before they are bombarded with any other including this.

12. That we should make writing of affidavits a compulsory subject in primary and secondary schools. 

13. That doing so would enable students learn how to tell on one another under the protection of the law.

14. That affidavits should be a little short. That we already got many novels to read and we do not need more in the name of affidavits. 

15. That the government should provide ‘Affidavit Booths’ in all counties so Kenyans can deposit theirs anytime they want. 

Last: That this truest affidavit is not for litigation purposes whatsoever. 

 Signed.

This Supreme Court's Image Tainted, Tarnished and Soiled Forever

This Supreme Court's image has been tainted. Unfortunately, irredeemably so.

Unless the remaining judges, on their own volition, quit or be thoroughly vetted by some Vetting Board, then the trust Kenyans had on it before may only be partially reinstated.

No one would want to face a bench which has been accused of bribery in order to deliver a favourable decision.

Judges should be beyond reproach like the Caesar’s wife. Although they are human beings and all have fallen short of the glory, judges are expected to be immune to external influence when making any decision. 

Any hint of fault and money changing hands to influence judges' decisions really dents the little trust people have on such a court.

Some might say no it's only one judge who took the bribe and that natural justice dictates that the accused ought to face the law. And the innocent be allowed the right to enjoy that innocence. 

Agreed. But this bribe was given to influence a decision that was to be made by five judges. Not one.

A favourable decision was given by that bench that comprised of all the five judges. The question is did the alleged money influence that outcome?

The Tribunal will certainly tell us if that happened or not but don't forget that in Kenya tribunals are sometimes formed to cleanse the accused. 

This tribunal is, however, expected to be formed as required by the Constitution.

Judge Tunoi is keen to face the tribunal and set the records straight. That's okey.

But tribunals are also meant to dig deeper into the allegations and find that which has been hidden down there in the sea bed.

In trying to find the truth, all sorts of things will be said; damning, hurting, soiling and revealing.

Those things will not only be about Justice Tunoi but certainly, about the Supreme Court:

How this superior court makes it decisions. How it interacts with litigants, advocates and other seekers of justice. How easy it is to influence their decisions.

This is where some aggrieved parties may push for a fresh look at the 2013 Supreme Court's decision on the presidential election petition.

This is when some governorship contestants who lost their petitions at this highest court will think of re-submitting their contestations afresh.

This thing will be muddy. This thing will be crazy. This will be enlightening. This will be painful for some. This will be joyful for others.