And...Here Comes Brother Philip Onyancha

Before we proceed put up your god-given hands for the newest member of the flock!

Going on,the man eater, whose former hobby was sucking human blood, has finally seen the light and apart from his mainstay of writing graffiti on Kamiti Maximum prison walls, he’s now perusing through the Bible.

It’s true and now he downs half-cooked beans while meditating on what made him adopt a vampire lifestyle; the tick life, while asking for biblical forgiveness.

He’s your brother, yea, Bro Onyancha, for the brethren.According to reliable (it got to be this word otherwise exclusives like this may not find relevance) sources he “accepted Jesus Christ as his personal saviour” last week during a special visit by Nairobi Pentecostal Church, Buruburu Chapter.

For starters, the guy squeezed out lives of 17 good Kenyans and other 83 were in waiting for his murderous hands. He, though, was arrested after killing, sucking and dumping a lifeless toddler in some forest outside Nairobi. That was the kind of profitless Old Onyancha did. The New Onyancha is different. He’s normal. He doesn’t crave for blood anymore. Thank God!

Now the past is gone and the new has come for the former bloody man.
“You should have seen the delight in this man’s face after accepting Christ,” said Pastor Paul Gichuhi, who led a number of mission lieutenants to fight Satan at Kamiti.

The guy did many things he didn’t reveal to the media. But, unfortunately, the pastor was not able to tap more; such inquests belong to journalists you know. His part was done.

However, Mr (he now deserves this title) Onyancha said he did other non-printable stuff to other people of God.
“You just had the tip of the iceberg of what I did,” he’s reported to have revealed.

So what else did this former man of the blood do? Huh! A difficult task here. Is there a possibility he could have been trading in human blood or body parts? Or was he supplying ‘the meat’ for Samosa/Sausage makers and traders? Over to you brothers and sisters...what do you think?


Just by the way...
*For goodness sake and with the assistance of the little English I know, there’s nothing like ‘Can be able’. It’s either can or be able. Using both consecutively results in what’s referred to as tautology (Philip Ochieng). It’s either Fulani can take a whole gourd of mursik in a single gulp or Fulani is able to...Not/never/Don’t’ try this at home, school or anywhere: Fulani can be able to take a whole gourd of mursik in a single gulp.
I have heard like all lawyers from Isaac Hassan (Chair IIEC), Martha Karua, Mutula Kilonzo make this grammatical mistake; some journalists like Martin Mutua of the Standard have committed this crime but all in all it doesn’t make it right.