Rattling Uganda before a Real Whipping Tomorrow

It’s a battle of East African supremacy. It’s a war involving two football titans in the region. Thank God it’s not a fight over a minute island (Migingo (for Kenyans) or loosely-tongued Mijinjo (Michincho) for Museveni’s lieutenants and worshippers), half submerged in the waters of Lake Victoria. Otherwise had it been the latter, Raphael Wanjala would have gotten a swift tender to supply Kibera hooligans with Rungus and Somali swords before 4pm tomorrow.

Speaking of hooliganism and Ugandan president knows not how to safely play this provocative negative virtue within humanity. Remember when dispute over michincho came up and the Uganda’s life-president went on a mouthful, diarrheal wordy rampage on ‘Jaluos’ (Kenyan media got it wrong, it should have been Chalous). You know, His Excellency whose middle name Kaguta, could put an ignorant Ugandan in custody if he uses it more than the other two (Yoweri Museveni), put out pre-meditated tirades directed on jilted Lou Kenyans who were crying over fishy Ugandans taking over Migingo.

The fight was primarily about fish but Mr Museveni thought otherwise and decided to meddle in it but finally gave in but not without controversy. He ran away with water and left fish just the way he did in Northern Uganda where he has instilled pseudo-peace but failed to capture LRA’s Joseph Kony.

Uganda, the country which would have made a perfect upright rectangle had its borders with Kenya (to the East) and Democratic Republic of Congo (to the west) been straight and Lake Victoria wholly belonged to Tanzania, is a fairly beautiful country with its firsts. Language is spoken in eloquence and demeanour which seemingly says of an enforced conduit by the Queen herself to have it accurately spoken. However, pronunciation of some words has dented and brought shameful paleness to this queen’s endeavour. First, Ugandans don’t know how to correctly pronounce words with G, C, K, and the likes, sounds. Instead of pronouncing these sounds like a Cambridge University graduate they replace them with CH. For example, gearing, comes out as chearing, a non-existent English word, tarchet for target, dochument for document, Chigali for Kigali. My good name will sound terrible; Kiplanchat instead of Kiplang’at. Huh!

Interesting. However, they are very choosy when it comes to distortion of words’ sounds. They have never mispronounced Uganda, the country’s name, as Uchanda, or Chaguta for Kaguta (the President’s middle name), neither Luchanda for Luganda (their favourite native language). Funny but they do respect rebels too. Otherwise Kony’s name would have locally been Chony.

I guess they would not dare pronounce choals for goals now they  badly need them  when Uganda national football team face Harambee Stars tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow and Stars fans ought to go to Nyayo in large numbers so they can shout go! go! go!  well and louder otherwise cho! cho! cho! from the opponent’s end might outdo them.

You got to love these guys who once lived under a monarchic regime: Buganda Kingdom, before they saw the light. A worthy exposure indeed but they now have to contain a marauding president who wants to be head of the state till death parts him with the seat. Happily, the light has finally brought something tangible from the ongoing Commonwealth Games. One Moses Kipsiro eclipsed favourite Kenyans to a chold (Gold) in the 5, 000 metres race. The often mistaken naturalised Kenyan is an instant Hero in Champala (Kampala). Cho! Cho! Cho! Chipsiro!

Just by the way...

*To put records straight, I’m not in any way expressing xenophobic ideas but interesting facts, so please understand it as so. I love Ugandans and if circumstances permit I would not mind handing in betrothal for a Uchandan chirl (girl in Kenya).

*Who will go home with its tail hiding between the hind legs? I guess it’s gonna be...guess?