Sincere Support for Mututho and His Law

First, may blessings from the Most High fill to the brim the home of Naivasha Mp, John Mututho, who heeded the Almighty’s call to rein in on the oft-randy drunkards in the country. May his farm, which I guess harbours no barley, produce and reproduce plentifully, may his children and children of his children give birth to many of his kind so that in 100 years to come this nation will be totally alcohol free.

Agreed. But before we go on tell that kid, who innocently told us on Churchill show yesterday that Mututho was an inanimate thing going by the good name, Law, that he’s animate, a human being; stubby, sturdy, studious and somehow priestly guy hailing from a not-so-far-place from Nairobi called Naivasha.Which county? Guess right because I don’t really know, sorry. But do I care? Nope, as long as there are no popeyed, dry-mouthed, smelly men and women on our roads in the morning and past 11pm.

Isn’t that great? I mean isn’t it so nice now teetotallers won’t stumble on semi-conscious bodies flattened by yeasty drinks onto our good roads. No miserable beings puking like dogs that have consumed tasty faeces and vomit several times to re-taste their sweetness. 

So what? You think. Who cares whether our highway lanes are laced with big men and women frothing from the mouths and any other visible and invisible body openings? Many do, including the brains behind this law and yours truly. Those others plus His Excellency-by the way Kibaki recently revealed his love for the bottle, of course one with brewed yeast and water plus whatever else which make men impotent and lose their heads, may care less by showing their stupidity when deeply sozzled but this Law will forever be our (teetotalers) fighter.

By the way, if someone is not considering giving Mr. Mututho an award, like Nobel Peace Prize or something alike, then this world is irretrievably inebriated. Getting knighted by the Queen is not a generous reward for this man, ‘Sir’ John Mututho-Please don’t sneer at this.

That’s that. Let’s now go on pampering this guy whose name deserve sainthood-just kidding- in like many years to come. Maybe when he put straight his constituency development funds, or stops childish behaviours like tearing pieces of paper in front of cameras/journalists. Fine, hope he hears this but now may his left hand becomes stronger like the right so he can draft more bills to bring to order the runaway, monstrous industry.

A word of caution: Anyone planning to engage in any other business which will rope in alcohol ideas, or sell anything tasting alcohol better gets ready to face the law. This is what Mututho says in Section 28 (5): “No person shall manufacture or sell objects including sweets, snacks and toys that resemble or imitate alcoholic drinks.” Those sweets and indeed those sodas-Alvaro, Novida-the foremost imitators of alcoholic drinks should be taken or sold between the times indicated by the law (5-11pm all days apart from Saturdays and Sundays(2-11pm).