Your Politicians Didn’t Know What Kenya7s Won in Singapore. Here’s What They Know:

Last weekend, Kenya won the first Main Cup in the Rugby Sevens’ series and our politicians won the Most Ignorant Cup for not knowing what we won.

Forgive them.

Here’s what they know most:

Their Political Gods

Ask them the name of their political supremos and they will give you not one, two or three names but maybe ten including their primary, secondary, university and Bunge nicknames. They will even be generous to tell you their sons’, daughters’ and wives’ nicknames too.

They will go ahead to tell you what their political gods take for breakfast, lunch and dinner. What size of shoe they wear and what suit they prefer. 

Weekend Funerals

How will they not know where they will be over the weekend?

Try to look for any politician on Saturday or Sunday and you will probably find them attending some funeral back in the village.

On weekdays they are busy checking and asking around for some funeral to attend.

They are not the most condoling but these present them a perfect opportunity to hit at the rivals, chest-thump and drop crocodile tears on the graves.

Countdown to 2017 General Election

Other sport lovers may have forgotten that there are coming national elections next year but our politicians, the wannabe sports lovers, know not only the date, but also the hours, minutes and seconds remaining to the polls.

If you want to confirm this, trying shifting that date and hell will break loose. 

IEBC

Just as they know when the elections would be held, they know, in and out, who will be conducting the elections.

Some know IEBC as a bosom friend while others know it as a sworn enemy.

Still, others know each and every name of the commissioners, others don’t want to hear anything about them. 

CDF

How will they not know this?

This is the spinal cord of each of our MPs. They know the amount allocated them each and every year.

The High Court touched it last year and labelled it ‘unconstitutional’ and hell broke loose. The Judiciary was denied funds like never before in the following budget.

They have since forcefully mutated the funds to align it with the Constitution.

Hate speech

Not its meaning but how to spew it in public rallies, funerals and public barazas.

They know how to manoeuvre around the law as they call each other names, abuse rival communities and lampoon opponents. 

The Media

They know each and every media house which is sympathetic, against and friendly to them.