It has been, by any logical measure, a wonderful year, but going by the same measure, not short of wonders too.
The year started slowly, but by June its momentum hit the roof and from then it was a galore of fun-curry, misery and mystery.
January...Mariga eeeh! Mariga aaah!, our soccer hero was going places, I mean going to the wealthy English football club, Manchester City. Tongues wagged and tails twisted endlessly about the top Kenyan footballer looming fortunes until the transfer fell through. Thankfully, he still made a move to eventual Uefa club champions Inter Milan.
June...This month experienced a mixture of awe-everything, as in some were awesome, others awful, but most importantly was the awe-striking Philip Onyancha. Despite a record-breaking sh1 trillion budget by the government the same month, Onyancha’s blood-sucking hobby sneaked into the centre-stage. The country was awestruck by the man’s confession to adopting a tick-ish or mosquito-ish blood sucking behaviours. He had strangled and drank blood of 17 out of 100 Kenyans (women + children) he was targeting, when he was finally caught.
The same month, the highly-billed World Cup finally set foot in Africa and local football fans went ballistic sending women soap-addicts to early sleep or enforced chama-gossips. Kenyans supported African teams but as expected they were unceremoniously bundled out, one by one, the host, South Africa, setting a new record of being the first host to succeed in failing to go passed the WC preliminaries. The late Paul the Octopus, the cephalopod, embraced wonderfully the finals, correctly predicting all matches he was called upon to. Shakira’s rendition should have taken many by storm too.
July...the World Cup final and Spain did football justice by clinching it. But the penultimate matches were not without drama. Ghana were denied a smooth sail to the semi-finals by a wicked hand from one Suarez, a Uruguayan with a devilish hand, and more pain was to follow, as Asamoah Gyan smashed the crossbar with the ensuing penalty. Heart break and Africa was all cries and mourning, especially after Ghana failed to score all of its penalty kicks whereas Uruguay did so without much ado.
August...Referendum people! It was, it came and went but left us with a new constitution. The biggest milestone though, apart from the often boring word ‘new constitutional order’, was the: its honourable, the word ‘promulgation’. Most Kenyans had not heard of it before (or so, they thought). And from then, they were promulgating literally everything; Ugali had to be promulgated before consumption, some cheeky man even sort to promulgate nuptials before taking.
September...hehehe, the Red Call. Seriously, did anyone die from the mysterious call? Anyhow, this will go down as the topmost foolery act involving millions of Kenyans.
October...Kenyans woke up one day this month to some “out of this world” news that some kid seems to have overstayed in his mum’s stomach to develop enough teeth. Nyahururu was the place of this news. Someone almost quoted the child as saying “I wanted to partake in maize roasting immediately I was separated from my umbilical cord.”
...Another breath taking event that captured world’s attention and which pundits labelled as the miraculous happening of the decade, though, living things in the next 100 years might pick as one of the miracles of the century, was the successful rescue of 33 Chile miners. Wasn’t it amazing seeing the guys resurrected, literally from the gates of Hell? You know some of them were blatant sinners and would have ended in eternal damnation-remember licensed wives and unlicensed ones were waiting for some at the entrance to rescue well-which means had they died, their souls would probably have been condemned to the place of ever burning.
November...Hail Julian Assange! This startling guy finally succeeded in calling the errant United States to order. His mighty cables struck the very able knees of the land of Obama and fell it. When it wakes up, it should be after some decades, United States ought to appoint Assange as their ambassador to the Universe or ask the UK Queen to knight him.
December...finally, after several months, Ocampo’s brew got brewed. And everyone in Kenya drank it . Next was a real drunken orgy in the country. The Ocampo Six. I seriously need the time to do something else instead of elaborating on this. You should be, by now, having the nitty-gritty of the list, if not uliza neighbour.
..Finally, this year is ending rather weirdly or kind of, unhappily. Gerishon Kirima is dead. And we expect his soap opera to die soon. Unfortunate.
Just by the way...
Happy New Year friends. Info enjector appreciates your time.
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